Everyday I’m like “today imma get my shit together” and by the end of the day I’m like “tomorrow is the day for real”
This is pretty much me in the shower
when you take a shower you turn into gollum?????
And when the conditioner gets in my eyes, I screech:
IT BURNS UUUSSSSSSSSSS
This turns up on my dash every few days and makes me laugh every time.
*cares more about TV show characters and their problems than my own*
i love the term “partners”
are we dating?
are we robbing a bank?
do we run a legal firm?
are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit?
the first step to robbing a bank is picking out a cute outfit
Get it because it’s a CELL WALL
oh my god
wHEN PEOPLE ASK YOU WHAT YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION IS AND THEN JUDGE ME WHEN I SAY IT’S MY MACBOOK WOW SORRY DID YOU WANT ME TO SAY A LOCKET MY GREAT AUNT ALICE’S GRANDFATHER’S SON HANDCRAFTED FROM KING ARTHUR’S SWORD WELDED WITH PHOENIX TEARS AND THE BLOOD OF A WOOD NYMPH NO OKAY I FUCKING LOVE MY MACBOOK NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH HOW I CAN SCROLL WITH TWO FUCKING FINGERS OKAY THAT”S BETTER THAN ANY LOCKET